The Holy Qur’an now deals with the innermost affairs of the soul and the marital relationship between husband and wife. Islam has given a title to marriage which is the finest title that is ignored by the West, which talks about human rights, and by those who try to attack religion under the pretext that religion is backwardness and terrorism and the source of extremism and all evils -according to their claim-, while the truth is completely different. Islam is the source of goodness, and religions came for the benefit of man. Here, Islam sets the rules for the marital relationship between a woman and a man:
وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
(And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.) (Ar-Room: 21)
affection is stated at the beginning of marriage, which is love and affection of the heart. However, after several years of marriage, when a woman grows up, becomes pregnant, gives birth, works and devote herself for the sake of her husband and children, then comes the mercy. She becomes merciful to her husband and the husband is merciful to his wife. Therefore, Islam has laid down several rules for the relationship between a man and a woman, including this rule indicated in this verse.
(… وَالصُّلْحُ خَيْرٌ …) (…and settlement is best …): Islam always call to reform the relation between people, the Prophet (saws) said:
“Shall I not inform you of something more excellent in degree than fasting, prayer and almsgiving (sadaqah)? The people replied: Yes, Prophet of Allah! He said: It is putting things right between people, spoiling them is the shaver (destructive).”
The first reform to be is that between a man and his wife and the settlement of appropriate solutions to the problems of life that obstruct the marital relationship.
(… وَأُحْضِرَتِ الْأَنفُسُ الشُّحَّ …) (…And present in [human] souls is stinginess.…): By nature, souls are stingy, as women are keen on dowry and money, and men are keen on alimony, so everything related to material matters must be excluded in the field of reconciliation.
( وَإِن تُحْسِنُوا وَتَتَّقُوا فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ خَبِيرًا … ) (…But if you do good and fear Allah – then indeed Allah is ever, with what you do, Acquainted): There is no doing good without fearing Allah (swt), benevolence is in everything, Allah (swt) has decreed mercy upon Himself, so it is natural that the relationship between people, between a man and his wife, is based on benevolence.
It is narrated that a righteous man from among the senior scholars had a wife of bad manners and he was always trying to reform her behaviour, so he once asked her to attend a lecture that he gives in the mosque to see how people listen to him and receive his sermons thus she may respect him. And after she came and heard and returned home, he asked her: How did you think of what you saw? She replied: I have seen all people in calmness, dignity and serenity, while you are the only one who shouts and incenses and …. He said: There is no power and no might except by Allah, and he was patient with her. Accordingly, his gift was great. After a period of time, the lessons of this scholar diminished and became less important. People asked him: What happened with you? Whereas his wife had died, so he replied: The one whom my Lord would honor me had died. His view of the matter was that Allah (swt) honored him with his patience over a wife of bad mood. As such, when a woman is patient with her husband.
Marriage is a contract between a man and a woman, and it is a life partnership, raising children, worries, hopes, future and dreams. It is in the nature of life that there must be differences, so settlement is good, and there should be no stinginess in the relationship between spouses, and the material relationship should not have an effect, but the relationship should be based on affection, mercy, intimacy and love, and the marital relationship should be based on respect and mutual love:
وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
(And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.) (Ar-Room: 21)