First of all, to establish a family is to build a society. Moreover, families and houses cannot be established when there is a contradiction in faith and trends between men and women. Harmony is a must so that a stable family can be established pursuant to what Allah (swt) says: (And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe.) The unity of a family get disturbed due to the conflicting faith and beliefs. That’s why Allah (swt) prohibits marrying polytheistic women till they believe. Moreover, He (swt) stated that a believer slave woman is better than a polytheistic free woman- as slavery was there at that time, but it is no longer exist now. However, whenever we read a verse that mentions slavery, we realize that it is about a condition at that time of revelation, same as what we stated earlier:

 {يَسْأَلُونَكَ عَنِ الْخَمْرِ وَالْمَيْسِرِ ۖ قُلْ فِيهِمَا إِثْمٌ كَبِيرٌ وَمَنَافِعُ لِلنَّاسِ }

(They ask you about wine and gambling. Say, “In them is great sin and [yet, some] benefit for people.)  (Al-Baqara: 219)

Would you testify with (yet, some] benefit for people) to justify your drinking of wine? No, of course. You rather abide by the verse:

{يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا إِنَّمَا الْخَمْرُ وَالْمَيْسِرُ وَالْأَنصَابُ وَالْأَزْلَامُ رِجْسٌ مِّنْ عَمَلِ الشَّيْطَانِ فَاجْتَنِبُوهُ لَعَلَّكُمْ تُفْلِحُونَ}

(O you who have believed, indeed, intoxicants, gambling, [sacrificing on] stone alters [to other than Allah], and divining arrows are but defilement from the work of Satan, so avoid it that you may be successful.) (Al-Maida: 90)

You should consider the Holy Qur’an as a whole, you cannot extract whatever you want from it, as a partial rule related to a certain era, and you forget about the overall Sharia rules along with their objectives and aims and what the Prophet Muhammad (saws) approved. Thus, the term “slave” is mentioned here because slavery was still there at that time.

( وَلَا تَنكِحُوا الْمُشْرِكَاتِ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنَّ ۚ وَلَأَمَةٌ مُّؤْمِنَةٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكَةٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَتْكُمْ ) (And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you..): Why so? The rules and basis for establishing a family has been set up at first. When you find disagreements within the family and between the wife and the husband, you realize that there is something other than the standards set up by Islam and Prophet Muhammad (saws). Never let Islam shoulder your grave mistakes and sins. We defame the general view about Islam when we apply the allowable at the expense of the obligation. How would you do that? Allah (swt) for example, made polygamy permissible and obligated you to be just, so you may not go for what is allowed and leave the obligation. Likewise, the fault that Muslims fall in today is that they go for what is lawful and leave what is obligatory. Another example, people want to inherit without fulfilling the rights of the inheritors. That is the uncle inherit, but he has to know what is required to spend on whom he is responsible for. No balance would be there when you don’t fulfill your duties and still ask for your rights.

Islam has laid the foundations for marriage and establishing a family which is the corner stone of the society that produces next generation. Thus, some regulations had to be there for establishing families. Islam, however, has set such regulations of which the first of them is the rights and dignity of women. Before Islam, there were no rights of women whatsoever, they were merely treated as objects for decoration and enjoyment. Women at that time never had the freedom of ownership nor the political, economic, and social freedoms. Islam, however, set the basics for such issue and granted women their rights, freedom and dignity. Furthermore, it stated the right way of the relationship between man and woman. Prophet Muhammad (saws) said:

“When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes to (someone under the care) of one of you, then marry to him. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil (Fitnah) in the land and abounding discord (Fasad)[1].”

This is addressed to the family of the woman. So, strife and corruption would prevail when refraining from the based-on-right principles marriage. As for young men, the Prophet Muhammad (saws) said:

“A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers[2].”

This statement does not mean that a young woman should be married for for her beauty, or …. No, this is declaration sentence. The Prophet Muhammad (saws) asserted that a woman is married for for her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So, you should marry the religious woman of high morals. “Religion” indicates morals and values. The first meeting between a man a woman and establishing a family should be based on sound foundations and values that do not lead to conflict between the man and the woman after marriage. Allah (swt), thus, stated the rules of marriage in multiple verses:

{ وَكَيْفَ تَأْخُذُونَهُ وَقَدْ أَفْضَىٰ بَعْضُكُمْ إِلَىٰ بَعْضٍ وَأَخَذْنَ مِنكُم مِّيثَاقًا غَلِيظًا }

(And how could you take it while you have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?)  (An-Nisaa: 21)

Marriage is made a solemn covenant that is never broken up whenever or however a man or a woman wishes. Allah (swt) has set the rules, bases and foundations for marriage and made mercy and affection essential for the life between a man and a woman under marriage:

 {وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ}

(And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.)  (Ar-Room: 21)

Then, tranquility, affection and mercy are three main elements of marriage. When Prophet Muhammad (saws) addressed people in the farewell Hajj saying:

“And indeed I order you to be good to the women, for they are but captives with you over whom you have no power than that, except if they come with manifest Fahishah (evil behavior). If they do that, then abandon their beds and beat them with a beating that is not harmful. And if they obey you then you have no cause against them. Indeed you have rights over your women, and your women have rights over you. As for your rights over your women, then they must not allow anyone whom you dislike to treat on your bedding (furniture), nor to admit anyone in your home that you dislike. And their rights over you are that you treat them well in clothing them and feeding them.”[3]

The marriage contract between a man and a woman is never a materialistic one. It’s rather based on acceptance, dowry, and is testified by witnesses. This is the general form of the contract, as for its content, on the other hand, embeds the honor, the faithfulness and the fear from Allah (swt), in addition to tranquility, affection and mercy. All of that has been stated in the Holy Qur’an and the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (saws). Allah (swt) says:

 {هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّ }

(They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them.)  (Al-Baqara: 187)

There can never be a sentence (in Arabic) that better describes such meeting, cover and oneness of the man and the woman under marriage than this one. Marriage is a sublime relationship of chastity and giving birth and can’t count only for desires, sexual and physical relationship. That’s how Allah (swt) wants it to be.

( أُولَٰئِكَ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى النَّارِ ۖ وَاللَّهُ يَدْعُو إِلَى الْجَنَّةِ وَالْمَغْفِرَةِ بِإِذْنِهِ ) (Those invite [you] to the Fire, but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission…): Allah (swt) invites to paradise and forgiveness and never to the fire (hell). He (swt) shows us all signs and rules as well as the way that leads us to paradise and makes us avoid hell. That’s why Ali Bin Abi Taleb (May Allah honour his face) used to say:

“There is no good in a good thing that leads to fire, and there is no harm in an evil thing that leads to paradise.”

( وَيُبَيِّنُ آيَاتِهِ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَذَكَّرُونَ ) (And He makes clear His verses to the people that perhaps they may remember.): Allah (swt) states signs and rules so that people may get the moral and remember. It is as if Allah (swt) reminds humans after they forgot. Forgot what? The First contract:

 {إِذْ أَخَذَ رَبُّكَ مِن بَنِي آدَمَ مِن ظُهُورِهِمْ ذُرِّيَّتَهُمْ وَأَشْهَدَهُمْ عَلَىٰ أَنفُسِهِمْ أَلَسْتُ بِرَبِّكُمْ ۖ قَالُوا بَلَىٰ ۛ شَهِدْنَا ۛ أَن تَقُولُوا يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ إِنَّا كُنَّا عَنْ هَٰذَا غَافِلِينَ }

(And [mention] when your Lord took from the children of Adam – from their loins – their descendants and made them testify of themselves, [saying to them], “Am I not your Lord?” They said, “Yes, we have testified.” [This] – lest you should say on the day of Resurrection, “Indeed, we were of this unaware.”)  (Al-A’raf: 172)

That is the innate contract planted within people’s souls, and it is as if Allah (swt), through this verse, those rules, the whole Holy Qur’an, and the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (saws), is showing the way before people so that they remember and recall the contract  to connect to Allah (swt), their Lord.

[1] Sunan At-tirmidhi, Volume of Marriage, Hadith no. 1085

[2] Sahih Al-Bukhari, Marriage Volume, Chapter: Husband and Wife should have the Same Religion, Hadith no. 4802.

[3] Jami` at-Tirmidhi, Chapter: What has been related about a woman’s rights over her husband, hadith NO. 18