Engagement is based on this verse. Here we come to the rules of engagement in Islam. Some may claim that Islam prevents the man from seeing the girl he wants to get engaged to and only allows him to see her at the first night of marriage. Is it so? Is it that the man never sees or know the girl? Are those the rules of Islam? Never. Those are never the rules of Islam. The rules of Islam are taken from the Holy Qur’an and the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (saws).

Engagement is a period of time paving the way to marriage under the Sharia rules. The man gets acquainted with his future wife with the parents informed. In addition, it’s a period for a thorough consideration before signing the life-time partnership contract. Such period is rightful to both the man and the woman. Some people say: ‘her father made her to marry.’ What does it mean? Why the engagement period is legislated, then? Should not she approve such marriage? Should not the woman see the man who is going to marry her and vice versa? Should not the man well know the woman he is going to marry? Yes, under the Sharia regulations that are well-known to us all. The rules for engagement are in the context of the talk about the woman whose husband passed away. Why so? Because you cannot get engaged or plan to get married until the waiting period for the divorced woman or the woman whose husband passed away is over.

(… وَلَا تَعْزِمُوا عُقْدَةَ النِّكَاحِ حَتَّىٰ يَبْلُغَ الْكِتَابُ أَجَلَهُ ۚ وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّ اللَّهَ يَعْلَمُ مَا فِي أَنفُسِكُمْ ۚ…  ) (..There is no blame upon you for that to which you [indirectly] allude concerning a proposal to women or for what you conceal within yourselves….): This is about proposing to a woman whose husband passed away and is still in the waiting period. So, someone may want to get engaged to her and have contact with her father or brother or any other family member. Then, he may hint to any of them that it is possible to get engaged to her after her waiting period is over. Nonetheless, there is one condition stipulated by the verse: it should only be a hint not a determination. Allah (swt) holds you accountable for what you do. You may intend but not have determined. So, there a condition here:

(… عَلِمَ اللَّهُ أَنَّكُمْ سَتَذْكُرُونَهُنَّ وَلَٰكِن لَّا تُوَاعِدُوهُنَّ سِرًّا إِلَّا أَن تَقُولُوا قَوْلًا مَّعْرُوفًا ۚ…  ) (..Allah knows that you will have them in mind. But do not promise them secretly except for saying a proper saying….): These are the legitimate conditions: you may hint but not make a secret promise. A proper saying is the good one prevailing in the society. People and families treat each other in good manners with respect to engagement and marriage so that the structure is solid. However, Allah (swt) says: (And do not determine to undertake a marriage contract until the decreed period reaches its end.) You’re not allowed to determine to get married to the woman till the waiting period is over.

( وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّ اللَّهَ يَعْلَمُ مَا فِي أَنفُسِكُمْ فَاحْذَرُوهُ ۚ وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّ اللَّهَ غَفُورٌ حَلِيمٌ ِ..) (And know that Allah knows what is within yourselves, so beware of Him. And know that Allah is Forgiving and Forbearing…): Notice how the verse is concluded differently. Each and every word in the Book of Allah (swt) has a meaning and an implication, and we should get that implication. Why? Why the previous one is concluded with: (And Allah is [fully] Acquainted with what you do.) and the former is concluded with: (and know that Allah is Seeing of what you do.) and this one is concluded with: (And know that Allah is Forgiving and Forbearing.) We have the attributes of ‘Seeing,’ ‘Acquainted,’ ‘Forgiving,’ and ‘Forbearing.’ And it is ‘Forgiving and Forbearing’ not ‘Seeing’ despite having (And know that Allah knows what is within yourselves, so beware of Him.) in the same verse. Keep in mind that Allah (swt) knows what is within yourself when you act in malicious and desirous way and show that you are pious or so before people. Allah (swt) knows the secret and what is beyond it. Thus, there is a warning here (so beware of Him.). We have two wings carrying us to Allah (swt); the first is of mercy and forgiving; and the second is of fearing the punishment.

despite saying that Allah (swt) knows what’s within you and what you keep as a secret, so beware of Him, it’s about the mercy and kindness of Allah (swt) to mankind. He does not say ‘Merciful’ but ‘Forbearing’ because of the fact that Allah (swt) knows that the issue here is about the tension for humans, the tension for the woman to keep in the waiting period for four months and ten days while there might be an intention for engagement and marriage. There may be some arguments within one’s self about that; and Allah (swt) says: beware and do not do that. Yet, Allah (swt) states that He is Forgiving and Forbearing. He forgives sins and is forbearing at the same time.

What is the meaning of ‘forbearing’? we may say that someone is ‘forbearing.’ Of course, we keep saying that Allah (swt):

 { لَيْسَ كَمِثْلِهِ شَيْءٌ }

(There is nothing like unto Him.)  (Ash-Shura: 11)

but we give examples to make it easier to understand rather than making a comparison. So, when we say someone is ‘forbearing’ it means that they are patient and tolerant. However, when it comes to Allah (swt), the attributes of Allah (swt) are about perfection, and such attributes are never restricted by words, so where do we find their meaning?:

{ وَلَوْ يُؤَاخِذُ اللَّهُ النَّاسَ بِظُلْمِهِم مَّا تَرَكَ عَلَيْهَا مِن دَابَّةٍ وَلَٰكِن يُؤَخِّرُهُمْ إِلَىٰ أَجَلٍ مُّسَمًّى ۖ فَإِذَا جَاءَ أَجَلُهُمْ لَا يَسْتَأْخِرُونَ سَاعَةً ۖ وَلَا يَسْتَقْدِمُونَ }

(And if Allah were to impose blame on the people for their wrongdoing, He would not have left upon the earth any creature, but He defers them for a specified term. And when their term has come, they will not remain behind an hour, nor will they precede [it].)  (An-Nahl: 61)

Allah (swt) is Forbearing because if He were to impose blame on the people for their wrongdoing, He would not have left upon the earth any creature.